musibah

“Barangsiapa yang Allah mahukan dirinya beroleh kebaikan, nescaya diujinya dengan kesusahan”

[Hadith riwayat al-Bukhari]

two days ago, i had a little accident while on my motorcycle. just a minor injury really. i was on the ground for a few seconds because of the pain, then i thought i should get up before people think that i was dead. haha~ everyone was very helpful, a malay guy helped me to stand the motorcycle that was on the road, and the uncle who ran me over gave me a tissue to wipe off my bloody finger. my bones is still aching from the accident. but i'll live for sure..:P alhamduillah.

this accident got me thinking after i reached home. maybe Allah wanted to give something in return, so i had to be tested first in order to get what i wanted. Allah works in a very mysterious way. no ones has the right to think bad from it. there will always be something at the end of the story.

people get confused sometimes by letting their feelings making the most out things that had happened. let say that one had gone to the mosque to perform jemaah prayers and to hear the maghrib-tazkirah. on the way back home after performing the ishak prayer, he noticed that his slippers was missing, someone had stolen it. automatically without realizing, he would think that it's a sign of some sort, that God is trying to say something since his slippers were stolen. after that day, he never again had gone to jemaah prayers.

this kind of thinking surely is wrong all together. we should say Alhamdulillah, for anything that has happen to us regardless bad or good. because everything that happened is a test of iman, Allah said in the al-quran:

"Do people think that they will be left alone because they say: "We believe," and will not be tested. And We indeed tested those who were before them. And Allah will certainly make (it) known (the truth of) those who are true, and will certainly make (it) known (the falsehood of) those who are liars, (although Allah knows all that before putting them to test)".

[Surah Al-Ankabut: 2-3]

so don't worry and don't be sad, do say alhamdulillah at all means and at all cause. because a test of iman is a blessing from Allah Himself, showing His love to the people who believes.

wallahua'lam.

all men are 'gelojoh' people?

When I was bored my only option is to 'lepak' is the Yahoo Messenger (YM) Chat Room, well used to be. I don't usually chat that much, not since high school, where all the time I was thinking maybe, I can hook up a girlfriend or something. Despite the craziness to think that I can find my 'other half' on the chat room. Thinking back I was so stupid then. Kids stuff really.

One boredom day, I came up with this lovely girl. She was young, beautiful and sexy (so to say). Well, wearing a fit-white top that shows half-your breast is considered sexy would you say? But in YM you don't actually see someones picture until they really reply your private message (PM). I didn't know at the time.

"hi, cepatnya kuar room, rasa nampak baru je masuk tadi". I asked.

There was no reply. So, I didn't bothered much to say more. Hours later, she did.

"a'ah, boring la, tak ramai pompuan".

"oh, suka chat ngn pompuan je ke?" My curiosity was growing.

She had told me that she was a lesbian. Somehow I knew. I don't really know any lesbians in my life personally so I had so many questions for her. But she was reluctant to answer most of them. But for sure she really hated guys.

"lelaki semuanya sama. masa nak, sweet giler. masa buat gelojoh, kasar macam harimau, dah dapat terus tidor, letih la, banyak alasan".

Gelojoh here means during sex of course. I was quite gobbed smacked really reading what she wrote. But in a way, I guess in her life she had met with the wrong guys. I mean, not all men sleep with women before marriage, there are still many virgin men out there, devoted to God, awaits for the 'halal' touching of non-related-blood-women. I told that to her but she never really responded. I sensed that she really hated men, myself included. Maybe because all her lesbian friends had told the same stories, that all men are scums, 'gelojoh' and never to be trusted.

"bukan macam org pompuan, mereka lembut, tahan lama, suka belai, caring".

"oh, macam tu ke?". That's all I really had to say. No other words came to mind to keep typing.

She really freaked me out a bit. To my surprise, she never experienced any failure with men like her friends did to become a lesbian. Only that her sexuality towards women are more than she feels towards men.

"Entahla, i memang tak ada nafsu terhadap laki, kalu pompuan i memang berahi la"

I felt sorry for her in a way, maybe because she had lived her life by choice of the wrong path. All religion go against homosexuality. There must be a reason for that. It's not impossible to suppress your inner feelings, especially when it relates with religion. There are people who can, and proved to have done it.

"u ada girlfriend? She asked.

"no". I replied.

"kalu u ada, kenalkan kat i, sekali kena mesti nak lagi, ha ha ha".

I never responded. Cocky as she sounds, she's just a young girl, maybe in her 20's. Such beauty, she can even be a model or something but a lost puppy so it seems, and she's a muslim. So 'rugi' I thought.

kemaafan dan terima kasih

"perkataan maaf adalah berkaitan dengan keikhlasan dari hati, kerana ia melambangkan tawaduknya sesorang daripada sikap-sikap mazmumah.."

"tiada paksaan dalam menyatakan maaf atau memberikan maaf...."

"cuma kita kena ingatkan diri bahawa tiada manusia insan yang sempurna..."

"kita sendiri pun, bukannya prefect"

Anonymous~

aku sangat tertarik dengan kata-kata di atas oleh seorang pengkomen ni dalam satu diskusi. tiada paksaan untuk meminta maaf tapi maaf itu perlu la ikhlas dari hati. kita manusia tak pernah terlepas dari kesilapan, dan bila tersilap maka perlulah mengakui kesalahan diri kerana kita tak mahu di lihat seolah bersikap angkuh atau sombong atau egoist. kadang-kadang kita tak sedar kita telah pon bersikap sombong kerana tidak mahu mengakui kesalahan. sebenarnya ia sangat halus sebab itu kita tak mampu mengecam apa yang kita sedang lakukan. begitu halus iblis menghasut diri kita untuk merasakan kita tidak melakukan salah sedikit pon, tapi secara 'hakikatnya' kita telah pon berlaku salah pada diri sendiri tanpa sedari. maaf itu perlu kerana Allah. bukan sekadar untuk sedapkan hati orang lain. jika orang meminta maaf kita perlu la menerimanya dengan seikhlas hati kerana Allah, kerana tiada manusia terlepas dari melakukan kesilapan. maka, marilah kita menghayati kata-kata Allah dan pesanan Rasulullah untuk kita semua, semoga mendapat rahmat dari Allah swt hendak-Nya.

Firman Allah:
"jika kamu berbuat kebaikan, (maka faedahnya kebaikan) yang kamu lakukan adalah untuk diri kamu, dan jika kamu berbuat kejahatan, maka kesannya yang buruk berbalik kepada diri kamu sendiri juga..."

surah Al-Israa ayat 7

Rasulullah saw bersabda:
"Minta lah ampun kepada tuhanmu dengan membaca istighfar, sesungguhnya saya membaca istighfar dan taubat pada Allah tiap hari seratus kali.."

Hadis Riwayat Muslim

Firman Allah:
"dan janganlah engkau mengikut apa yang engkau tidak mempunyai pengetahuan mengenainya, sesungguhnya pendengaran dan penglihatan serta hati, semua anggota anggota itu tetap akan ditanya tentang apa yang dilakukannya"

surah Al-Israa' ayat 36

Rasulullah saw bersabda:
"Siapa yang menghiburkan orang yang ditimpa musibah (bala) maka dia mendapat pahala sama dengan penderita itu"

Riwayat Attirmidzi

Firman Allah:
"sesungguhnya ALLAH tidak menganiaya manusia sedikit pun, akan tetapi manusia jua lah yang menganiaya diri mereka sendiri"

surah Yunus ayat 44

Rasulullah saw bersabda:
"tiada seorang yang membuka jalan untuk sedekah atau memberi, melainkan ALLAH akan menambah banyak baginya dan tiada seorang yang membuka jalan untuk minta minta kerna ingin kaya (banyak) melainkan ALLAH akan menambah hajat kekurangannya..."

Firman Allah:
"dan segeralah kamu kepada mengerjakan amal amal yang baik untuk mendapat keampunan daripada TUHAN-mu dan mendapat syurga yang bidangnya seluas segala langit dan bumi, yang disediakan bagi orang yang bertakwa"

surah Ali-Imran ayat 133

Firman Allah:
"wahai orang yang beriman (untuk bersyukur kepada ALLAH) ingatlah serta sebutlah nama ALLAH dengan ingatan serta sebutan yang banyak banyak.."

surah Al-Ahzaab ayat 41

pesanan untuk diri sendiri.

wallahua'lam.

mom or dad which one should go first?

life is full of hard decisions. no matter what we aspect out of it only one decision has to be made in order to keep moving and to survive. life and death is a must. that's a promised by the almighty. saying all this got me thinking of a psychology question where i've encountered some time ago.

question: (read and close ur eyes)

"imagine that you, mom and dad are on a boat rowing through a river. a small boat to be precise, it's so small that only 3 people are able to row in it, and if one more passenger are on board, the boat would flip and everyone will fall into the river. so, only 3 people are allowed to be on. after some time rowing, you noticed that the boat has a leak, and water started to flow in. there's no other way to solve the problem accept to sacrifice one passenger out of the boat. since you're the lightest of all 3, only choice left is between mom and dad. only one have to go off board. so which one should go, mom or dad? your choice".

regardless what your answers are. every answer you give has it's meanings to life. in reality, choosing one to go off board could be easy as eating a pop corn while watching your favourite movie, because maybe your relationship with your parents are not that good to start with. to some, maybe they find it really hard to decide which one should go because parents-children relationship are very strong and it's very hard to let go. maybe to some, crying is the only answer because it could be too painful to decide which one should go because both parents is precious to them matter what.

sometimes one of our parents can be a pain in the butt and sometimes we neglect our responsibilities towards our parents as a true muslim. without realising we 'talked back at them, or raises our voice to make a point. sometimes we forget because we comfort ourselves by thinking that our parents would live for so many years to come, wait until hari raya and then say sorry. we forget that life could end any moment and maybe it's us that will go first to meet death before our parents, who knows.

whatever hardship in life, our parents are the greatest human being there is, or ever will be. put aside parents who beats their own fresh in blood, because not everyone has those 'cold blooded' feelings towards their own children.

for me, this type of question is really tough to answer. because we have our deen to think about. any decisions possible would go against islamic perspective. only thing left is to redha the circumtances and die together, maybe that's the best answer there can be for us muslims.

so, as muslim children of the future, take good care of your parents. never raises your voices in any circumstances. when they get old, sometimes it could be hard to really communicate with them because sometimes there are things that parents don't understand and it's our duty to talk with them properly so that they can understand it better. ofcourse the world is rapidly changing, and most parents can't keep up with the advancement of time. we have to be patient with our parents as patient as they were patient with us when we were just an infant. they always take good care of us no matter what the situations are. love with all the love they can give and never actually wants anything from it not even money.

ofcourse, we are very busy people, but it doesn't mean that we can hurt our parents feelings so that we can feel good, or have the feeling of satisfaction to actually make them feel bad. when they get older parents may ask the same questions many times, just like we were as kids who has loads of questions in our minds. it's the same with older parents. some say, when people get older, they tend to become more childish and for that reasons we should be more patient in dealing with our parent (s). because we never know, today might be our last moment with them, regardless how we feel about them at this moment, because tomorrow they might already be gone to meet the almighty creator of the universe.

when parent (s) do go, then it's for us to accept the reality and redha (move on). we should every day perform doa to them so that they can be amongst the chosen ones to meet Allah. at this moment if our parents are still alive, we should give all our love, and make them feel good about themselves, and make them the happiest people alive. so that, when the time come for them to go, there should not be the slightest regrets in their heart to leave this world, because they know, they have brought up a fine children for the future of islam.

only iman that could be an answer to all questions. where it should lead us, where it should bring us. one day we will too be parents to our children. and hopefully, they too have the same affects (cannot choose who to let go) if they were given such questions towards us. if so to happened, then you should be proud that, you've raised a fine muslim children who can be called soleh and solehah, which Prophet Muhammad had mentioned in his hadith.

wallahua'lam.

cerita darjah satu

tengok jam, dah pon pukul 3.24am. aku belom dapat tidor. sekali lagi kalah dengan bio clock aku yang sering terbalik. demam baru beransur pulih, mahu lagi tidur lambat. isk. maaf ye, i'm trying..:P. sambil mendengar lagu enya dalam ipod aku. fikiran entah kemana-mana. entah kenapa aku sangat suka dengar lagu enya. masa kat uitm dulu, rakan-rakan selalu marah dan ketawa sebab mereka kata aku suka dengar lagu church. ada ke patut. oh, enya ku, kau sangat best..haha~

tibe-tibe teringat zaman kecik-kecik, masa masih lagi dalam alam sekolah rendah. baru masuk darjah satu. kelas aku selalu je takda cikgu. kalu takda cikgu je mesti nak buat bising, maklumla budak. nasib baik takda orang baling meja je...:) dalam keriuhan masyarakat kanak-kanak, hari pon semakin panas, lunch hour baru je habis, cikgu takda pula. tibe-tibe aku terhidu bau sangat busuk, sungguh tidak dapat menahan hidung. salah sorang rakan ku merungut sambil menutup hidungnya, "perghh...bau ape neh????". rakan-rakan tiada jawapan, semua melihat sekeliling untuk mengenal pasti dimana bau itu datang. aku terperasan seorang rakan aku juga duduk diam dihadapan melihat papan hijau. dia tidak melakukan apa-apa. cuma termenung jauh, entah kemana sudah dia sampai. faisal namanya (bukan nama sebenar).

faisal jiran aku, kami kenal sejak keluarga aku menyewa di sebelah rumah dia. sejak dari itu kami berkawan baik. ada beberapa rumah di sekeliling rumah kami dan ramai la makhluk-makhluk bergelar kanak-kanak disitu. kami selalu bermain-main acara-acara sukan kampung, seperti baling selipar, baling tin susu, lompat getah dan lain-lain lagi. seolah adik beradik, kami sangat rapat walaupon tak ada pertalian darah. faisal ni selalu juga dibuli rakan-rakan lain kerana sifat manja dan suka mengadu kepada ayahnya jika ada masalah dari rakan-rakan sejiran. kakak nya cantik dan kami kanak-kanak lelaki sering mengorat (kononnya). kakak faisal kulitnya cerah, jauh berbeza dengan faisal yang kulit agak gelap. budak manja dan suka menangis, kanak-kanak mana tak suka membuli. tapi faisal sangat baik, dia tak suka kacau orang, dan tak sekali aku sangka, kami diduga untuk berada dalam satu kelas setelah sekian lama kenal sebagai jiran.

imbasan kembali.
dengan riuh rendah kerana bau semakin kuat. mulut-mulut semakin celupar dan semakin ramai menyuarakan rasa tidak puas hati. ada seorang makhluk bergelar pompuan tiba-tiba menyahut. "ala...faisal berak la...eeeeeeeee......tak senonoh!!!!". faisal tiba-tiba mula menangis. semakin lama semakin kuat. bau pon semakin kuat juga, tak dapat lagi aku tahan. ditambah pula dengan bahang cuaca panas, bau yang tak begitu menarik untuk ditahan lama-lama.

aku ketika itu tak tahu mahu ketawa atau kesian. faisal rakan aku, walaupon rakan sejiran tidak begitu gemar dengan sikap manjanya tapi dia tetap jiran aku. kami cuba menahan bau yang semakin kuat. sampai ada budak pompuan yang hampir muntah kerana tidak dapat menahan. kesian faisal. kerana tak dapat tahan lagi, aku dan seorang rakan (dah lupa sapa budak tu..huhu~), keluar kelas untuk mencari cikgu kelas.

dengan muka bengang cikgu datang mengambil faisal pergi. bukan untuk ke balai tapi ke tandas. haha~ tambah lagi bengang kerana cikgu kelas kami terpaksa membasuh semua sisa berak si faisal. aku sebagai rakan sekelas menemani faisal ketika cikgu mengosok punggungnya dengan sabar. faisal menahan malu dan terus menangis, sampai la semua sudah dibasuh.

selang beberapa minggu. "woi...bau ape ni?......." ye, sudah tentu faisal lagi. kesian betol la budak tu. sebenarnya dia takut nak ke tandas kerana takut untuk bertanya kepada cikgu. menahan beraknya sampai terkeluar kerana takut bertindak sendirian. atau pon dia memang suka buat bau yang menarik didalam kelas, sampai sekarang aku kurang pasti yang mana satu..:P

motif of the story.
jangan berak dalam kelas. ehe~ takdala, jangan takut bertanya wahai sahabat. yakin dengan diri. kalu takut nanti terberak pula. :P zaman kanak-kanak memang best. kenangan yang sangat indah semuanya. sekarang pon dan masuk tahun 2011. dah tua dah aku rupanya. sekarang susah nak tidor, mengarut je dipagi hari ni. selamat tidur semua. yang sedang study, selamat study, jangan duk stu-do pula, exam dah dekat. semoga berjaya. gambate neh..:)

banyak lagi cerita-cerita aneh di masa akan datang insya Allah.
ok. aku cuba tido.

salam.

sehati sejiwa

suatu petang yang berangin dingin. H dan A duduk ditepi tingkap menikmati keindahan alam. melihat A termenung jauh seolah memikirkan sesuatu lalu H menegur lembut menunjukkan kerisauannya.

H: "hai A, jauh termenung, wassap, ada masalah ke?"

A: "hm, ko ni tahu aje, nampak sangat ke? aku dah sorok giler ni kot".

H: "ala, aku kan dekat ngan ko, mestila aku dapat rasa".

A: "haha. nasib bek ko ada H, kalu tak kat sapala aku nak bagitau semua ni".

H: "yela, ko selalu camni, aku dah biasa, so ape cer, macam penting je?"

A: " biasa la H, masalah yang ko dah bosan dengar, tapi aku ni camni la, bukan selalu nak citer"

H: "oh, pasal tu ke? ces ko ni, tak payah la pikir sangat, senang citer ko tanya je Boss".

A: "Boss, aku dah tanya dah, macam belom bagi kata putus lagi, aku dah sabar dah tapi yela.."

H: "kalu Boss ko dah tanya, kita nak wat macam mana lagi, best thing tunggu jela"

A: "tula yang aku tengah pikir tu H, entah-entah Boss nak uji aku je lagi, hm.."

H: "takpela, tak payah la pikir sangat, kalu ada rezeki adala tu, tak kemana dah kalu rezeki ko, sabar jela, sabar kan sebahagian daripada iman, baik ko banyakkan istighfar"

A: "tula, kena banyak sabar lagi la nampaknya, astagfirullah, astagfirullah. thanks H, tenang aku borak ngan ko, lain kali kalu aku termenung lagi ko cepat tegur aku"

H: "yela, ko ngan aku kan sehati sejiwa, takda ko takda gak aku. baik ko jaga kesihatan ko tu, jangan duk termenung sangat, nanti jatuh sakit susah lak orang lain nanti"

A: "baiklah, pasni aku tak menung dah, kena tawakal je la, mana tau Boss bagi jawapan soon, thanks H, ko memang best"

................................................................

amin: "woi bro! jauh menung, sunset cantik ingat orang jauh ke?"

mat: "poyo la ko, menikmati keindahan alam kan dapat pahala"

amin: "haha! pandai la ko cover, dah-dah la tu, dah nak maghrib ni"

note:
H = hati
A = akal

sekian. :)

rojak perasaan

mengadap udara sampai ke petang
tumpuan sifar, tiada apa dibuat
tiada apa yang difikirkan
sekadar merenung jauh di dalam mimpi

dikejutkan suara merdu bilal pak said
menyeru umatnya menunaikan kewajipan
tanpa sedar, aku alpa
masa berlalu begitu deras
seperti arus menuju arah
entah kemana hala tujunya

mataku menembusi dinding tebal
rohku terbang dilangit agung
menghanyut jauh dari badanku
tak mahu kembali walaupun dipanggil
kerana terlalu asyik mengejar awan

aku mahu berselindung jauh
tapi kemana harus ku pergi
kerana bumbung semuanya langit
bertelanjang bulatlah roh megahku
yang selama ini berpakaian senang

hanya Tuhan menjadi saksi
semalam aku kosong
jawapan hakiki misteri sungguh
hari-hari masih sama
sampai bilakah persoalan-persoalan
akan terus bergeliga di mindaku
dan perasaan aneh yang terus belenggu

oh, rupanya hatiku legam dan berhabuk
kerana sudah lama terletak diatas peti
dibasahi hujan minyak-minyak masak
dikerumuni setan-hitam beterbangan
digigit makhluk-makhluk kecil mencari rezeki
dimamah enak mentari pagi dan petang

kini ku sedar, kasihan hati
diatas peti bukan tempatnya
tidak pula harus dibiar reput dibawa usia
kerana hati pada zahirnya amatlah suci
bagaikan mawar yang mekar
begitu indah merah menyala

hansuke roma

cinta hakiki

pandai sungguh engkau menghelah
mengabur rumahku dengan asap legam
malaikat lintang pukang menjaga posisi
tapi engkau licik menembus rekah
kerana leka, aku terpedaya

tidak kukuhkah benteng ku ini
mempunyai rekah yang selalu rapuh
senang ditembusi, senang dinodai
engkau bermesra bertemu rakan
yang sekian lama aku tundukkan

kini tidak lagi aku tertipu
dengan muslihatmu yang sudah usang itu
semua rekah sudah ku tampal tebal
mari lah uji, aku berani berjihad mati

yang ku kejar cinta hakiki
yang Satu inginku temui
yang maha Kekal, yang tidak tidur
yang tidak makan, yang tidak beranak
lagi pula tidak diperanakkan

hansuke roma

hati

berdebar
keluh resah
bingung
purnama kosong
langit gelap, awan memutih
angin bersiul halus

terdengar rapi
alunan zikir para sufi
imbasan dosa berpusing ligat
pedih, takut, gelisah
jendela terbuka luas
sipu angin mencium manja
mata terus menari

hati
bagai bunyi orang
dikoyak harimau
basahlah dahi
sejadah dibentang
puisi Allah dibawa angin
menggapai putih jernih
yang jauh nung di sana
tapi aku mahu

hansuke roma

si cantik

ye kau memang cantik
ada tahi lalat, ada lesum pipit
ambik gambar dalam tandas
letak kat facebook status jadi panas

ye kau memang cantik
kulit putih, mata menawan
sekali pandang macam rozita che wan
pakai shawls pulak tu aku pon tak tahan

ye kau memang cantik
senyum manis, bibir pon merah
amik gambar elok la sikit
jangan sampai Tuhan marah

ye kau memang cantik
buat video, upload kat youtube
ramai stalker boleh tengok
silap bulan, kuar rumah ada kat pintu

ye kau memang cantik
macam aishah la katakan
nak islam buat la cara betol
jangan berlagak macam ayam

ye kau memang cantik
tak perlu bagitau semua orang
sementara je Allah bagi pinjam
sampai masa kena pulangkan

ye kau memang cantik
nanti bakal jadi menantu
ingat Tuhan, ingat Rasul
kembalilah kepada yang satu

p/s: penulisan ni tiada kena mengena dengan yang masih hidup atau pon yang telah meninggal dunia.

wallahua'lam

the signs

The Quran states,

“Truly, in the creation of the heavens and the earth, and the succession of night and day, there are signs for all who are endowed with insight, and who remember Allah standing and sitting and lying on their sides, and contemplate creation of the heavens and the earth, [saying]: 'Our Lord, You have not created this without meaning and purpose, limitless are You in Your subtle Glory!'” (3:191)

the remembrance of these signs, buried in habit, made the Prophet Muhammad Pbuh weep for a whole night. subhanallah, the only time we cried is during sadness or failures, but have we ever cried or weep to think about all the signs that is in front of our eyes?

i received a message from my sister yesterday stating the verse of the quran above. she ended the message with: "abg hansuke, jom gi broga!" haha~

the other day, someone had told me to sleep early and i agreed. i tried to sleep early today, but with a running nose and a habit of sleeping after subuh prayers got me writing this post. i guess today's not my lucky day, maybe i have some luck tomorrow. hopefully my bioligical clock would be fixed soon to it's normal time..:P

p/s: broga is actually a hill in Selangor i think. they say it's very nice there for taking pictures. maybe it's a perfect place to remember the signs of Allah..:)

hutang

Rasulullah S.A.W bersabda yang diriwayatkan oleh Iman Ibnu Majah yang berkmaksud:

"Sesiapa mati, sedangkan dia masih menanggung hutang satu dinar atau satu dirham, maka akan diambil ganti daripada kebaikannya, kerana di sana tidak ada dinar dan tidak ada pula dirham".

terjumpa hadith ni dalam laman web PTPTN, tibe-tibe teringat orang-orang yang hutang dengan aku masa kat UiTM dulu. masih segar dalam ingatan, masa datang bilik aku nak pinjam duit, nak RM50 katanya nak buat makan. budak ni budak degree dan aku time tu amik diploma je, maklum la nak tolong senior. dalam beberapa jam kemudian budak tu datang lagi jumpa aku mintak tambah RM50, katanya tak cukup, aku pon bagi la, sebab kesian.

malam tu, budak tu datang bilik aku, cerita awek dia merajuk, tak nak angkat call, pergi ke kolej awek dia tak nak kuar, merajuk tahap cipan. aku ingat lagi dia ada cakap: "abis credit aku call dia, tak nak gak jumpa aku". tetibe aku tersentak, "wait a minute" (dalam otak aku berfikir). aku pon terlintas nak tanya, "ko pakai duit yang aku bagi kat ko ke, RM100 tu, ko kata nak buat makan?..."kalu aku tau ko nak beli top-up mampus aku tak bagi". budak tu dengan selamba kata dia terdesak la apa la, time tu aku dah bengang tahap maksima, dia cakap ape pon aku dah tak dengar, yang aku dengar pon time dia janji dia nak bayar balik duit RM100 aku tu bila dia dah ada duit. so aku pon senang hati la sikit. aku pon bukan ada duit sangat masa tu, tu pon duit PTPTN yang aku bagi pinjam kat dia.

lepas pada tu selalu jugak la aku mintak hutang aku tapi dia asik cakap tak ada je. aku selalu message (sms) dia ingatkan supaya bayar duit aku tapi ada je alasan dia. suatu hari pas dia grad dia ada datang UiTM. aku tak sedar pon tetibe dia pegang bahu aku dari belakang, ajak sembang secara private, man-to-man. (sambil bisik) "wei, hutang ko tu nanti dulu la, nak pakai banyak benda, konvo, macam ni la bro, ko bagi number account bank ko nanti aku deposit terus ke account ko". aku terus rasa sedap hati sebab dia dah janji nak bayar selama ni dia asik mengelak je. dalam otak aku kira pasni settle la hutang dia ngan aku. malam tu aku message la kawan aku tu, "ni number account aku, nanti ko ada duit bayar la, orait".

tapi hampeh, bertahun-tahun aku tunggu tak ada pon dia bayar. lepas aku tahu budak tu anak orang kaya, ayah dia siap ada bukak resort sendiri, lagi la aku rasa menyirap, rasa macam dipermainkan, rasa di hina, dan macam-macam lagi perasaan aku. (darah mendidih takyah citer la, ada tahap pemanas air kat dapur aku aku tu kot..haha~).

aku sebenarnya hairan sebab, orang yang berduit ni susah nak bayar hutang. dalam kes budak tu, dah la tipu aku kata nak duit sebab nak buat makan tapi yang sebenarnya sebab nak beli top-up credit call awek, pastu bila sampai masa nak bayar buat tak tahu plak walaupon dah janji nak bayar hutang tu. adakah orang-orang seperti ini adalah contoh orang munafik?

tambah lagi kesengsaraan jiwa bila aku terjumpe budak laki tu dekat stesen LRT Masjid Jamek. dah bertahun-tahun aku tak jumpa atau dengar berita dia. time tu aku baru je start bekerja. aku nampak budak tu ada bersandar kat tepi tiang masa nak turun tangga. aku memang cam la orangnya. dari belakang pon aku boleh kenal (sebab pernah jadi kawan), dengan rambut, badan, style berdiri. (macam berlagak sikit). memang sah la dia. aku mendekati budak tu tapi tibe-tibe aku jadi takut nak tegur, sebab benda dah lama aku tak tahu nak cakap ape, aku takut time tu dia akan cakap kat aku "ala, RM100 je bro". secara tibe-tibe aku tak jadi nak mintak, aku pon blah dari situ dengan hati yang sakit.

malam tu aku termenung. teringat peristiwa tadi. aku tengok budak tu dah pon macam berduit. mesti dah kije gaji besar, pakai baju kemeja cantik-cantik, lepak kat masjid jamek, takkan tak kije lagi kot, dah bertahun dia grad dulu dari aku. aku hairan la, kenapa dia tak ada usaha cari aku pon, padahal hutang tak selesai, kawan plak tu. biasanya kalu kita hutang RM10, selagi orang tu tak halalkan hutang tu, kita akan berusaha jugak cari orang yang kita hutang tu. kita dah tahu bertapa hebatnya dosa orang berhutang tak selesai ni. nabi pon pernah cerita pasal orang dah hampir nak masuk syurga, dah lepas pon tali siratulmustakim, sekali kena masuk neraka balik sebab dia ada sikit hutang yang tak selesai. ("walauwei, takutnya...")

TAMMAT.

tadi aku masuk web PTPTN sebab nak "Kemaskini Maklumat Bagi Permohonan Penukaran Pinjaman (3%) kepada Pembiayaan Ujrah (1%)". apa Ujrah tu? entah aku pon tak tahu. haha~ aku cuma harap dapat kurang sikit lagi hutang yang kena bayar nanti, walaupon dah banyak aku bayar sebenarnya.

alhamdulillah, ikut pada jadual sendiri aku tinggal lagi 4 tahun nak abiskan semua bayaran. biasanya kalu ada rezeki lebih aku akan "gedebuk" je terus bayar, cepat sikit habis. (ni pesanan minah kat counter PTPTN aritu, bagus pesanan dia, senang hati tengok hutang aku setiap bulan semakin berkurang..alhamdulillah~).

akhir kata, bayar lah hutang selagi masih hidup. kita tak tahu kita mati bila. sape jamin kita akan hidup sampai esok? kalu lepas tulis blog tetiba mati macam mana? kalu takda hutang dengan orang, alhamdulillah la, yang masalah nya bagi orang yang ada hutang. pentingkan benda lain dulu pastu tangguh-tangguh tak bayar, macam yakin je hidup lagi 50 tahun, tak kisah la sikit atau banyak, cepat-cepat la bayar hutang sebelom terlambat.

wallahua'lam.

the malaysian football fever

when it comes to sport we Malaysians always give high hopes for the athletes' success. badminton and squash for example for we have won many events and our athletes is known around the world for it. but when it comes to football, every Malaysian who loves the game get really frustrated watching the old harimau malaya plays. they have no rythm, no skills, and no finishings. but that was then, sinced the new boys stood up and became our trust to make a different, even though with 'stones thrown' at them, they proved wrong to everyone and now people are cheering, how ironic we Malaysians are.

truthfully, everyone has been waiting for these moments or should i say era because maybe now it's our starting point to become more than we are now or become one of the nations who can reach the world cup. even the African nations are getting stronger by the years as we watched them play during the latest world cup in south Africa. surprisingly the down-under Australians which drastically improved so well and even managed to reach the world cup in Africa for the first time in history. this shows the country's spirit to shine amongst the football-elite-nations such as Brazil, Argentina, Italy, Holland, and other part of the continent.

to me, japan was the most improved of all teams. for the likes of Honda the young Japanese star can even take free kicks on par with former player David Beckham, Zinedine Zidane and other free-kick stars such as Ronaldinho, Christiano Ronaldo and Andrea Pirlo. and no one thought it was possible that japan can even raise such fine athlete. maybe malaysia also can raise these types of stars if we really wanted to.

obviuosly young talents are increasing around the world and more nations has shown great effort in the development of their young players. and the same goes for our boys too, as we saw it in the news, even the Vietnamese and the the Indonesian were shocked with disbelief of how harimau melaya played their game. regardless the laser blaming or not our boys just out shines the other stars from east Asia.

even though harimau melaya has shown great changes, but for me they still have a lot of work to do to improve if they are dreaming to reach the world cup. they are many silly mistakes made by our players during the game which should not been made which we don't see very often in other nations football. silly mistakes such as tumbling in front of the keeper would surely cause the team big time and these kind of mistakes should be improved on so that we have a better chance of scoring when the time matters.

but a lot has been improved in the keeper's part, as we see our keeper this time around is no laughing stock. other keeper we had before was totally and utterly rubbish compared to present keeper Khairul Fahmi. this guy had shown great personality and determination in doing his job done and even saved a penalty in the second leg of the final as if showing to every Malaysian keeper before hand 'this is how it's done'.

to me, i just hope, since i've been waiting for this moment for so long, Malaysia would reach a better level of football. we should give everyone in the team big applause because this time around the team have gotten better starting from the keeper, defenders, midfielders and of course the forward.

the fast pace football showed by Kunalan and Amirulhadi Zainal surely has catches our nations eyes which no doubt has contributed in the way harimau malaya had played their game. fast pace football as we see in the English Premiere league (EPL) and other part of Europe leagues can maybe reached our football soon. if there are more players like these guys around i surely think that our football would be very interesting to watch soon enough.

not to forget, our Norshahrul Idlan Talaha with his trademark dribbling which made a hell out of the opponent defenders. his style of dribbling is very similar to the European star or the Brazilian stars which is very exciting to watch, but sometimes he has also lack of consistency and does not deliver well to execute the finishing, and i think this is his part to improved on to become more fearsome player in the near future.

Mohd Safee in other hand has shown great strength in scoring. the left-footer surely can score cracking goals and also proved that he can also score with his head. i believe that if safie would keep up his finishing and do less mistakes, soon enough the world would have an interest of buying him for their clubs. hopefully there are more young stars like him around to boost our game up-front.

it's time for the younger boys to dominate our football culture, and one day hopefully we could see Malaysians faces playing in one of the prestige clubs in Europe, like the Korean-Manchester United player Park Ji-Sun or Ryo Miyaichi, a young Japanese player at 18, who has recently signed up a contract with Arsenal at a very young age.

in the Head Coach Rajagobal's part, it's great to see a coach that really give his trust in the younger boys, just like what the big teams in Europe are doing since long ago. this new trust on youngsters to lead our national teams is refreshing as hopefully we can see more rising stars to make our football more fascinating which surely increase the spectators to buy tickets to watch our boys play at close up.

lastly, i really hope soon enough there will be no politics in our football, and the 'sultans' would kick themselves out of our football association and give the people who really knows their stuff, if malaysia really wants to raise it's image of football to a higher standards and respective level around the world.

only if you knew

only if you knew
how i really feel about you
i am really scared
scared of rejection
never again i'll take that path
no more strength to bear that i have
the pain of losing a place called love

this pain has affected my days
i hoped to become a clear as crystals
i dread my plead not accepted by you
i dare to dream it was never real or true
i wept and cried where no more tears are to fall
feeling so helpless as tomorrow was no more
as if there will be no more singing birds
and no more running squirrels

i am now different how should i say
far opposite from those promises i let astray
other than to as promised that i would be
once again i gain a new strength and believe
that keeps me above all sadness and grief

finding myself seeking for answers
answers for i know that already exist
why then i was blind i do not know
but surely i'm seeing once again
the truth that was promised and foretold

only if you knew
even though i believe you already know
only with you Allah
this feelings of despair i would share
for all my sins is for you to forgive
as it was you all along
that make, and take and give..

i feel ashamed to ask for Jannah
where as i know i am not worthy even to think
even to smell its breeze or see its light
for i dare not want to see the abyss
a dreadful place where no man should live

for eternity i shall not regret
for all the love that i should respect
where all the test that to make me right
i am truly blessed with all my heart
thank you Allah for giving another chance
where i shall amend and make enhance.

hansuke roma