love can't be forced

sometimes it's really hard to like someone. it's not likely we can go up to them and say 'i like you, i really really like you'. that wont just do it because it would surely freak them out, and it's embarassing just by thinking about doing such a thing, just imagine doing the real thing and saying it all out to the person you like. scary isn't it? haha~

i always imagine myself going up to a girl and bluntly 'asking her out', just like in the movies. well, this asking people out on a date thingy is not really our culture in the first place. so i can't imagine what to say, either ask for her number or ask her out on a date. a stranger asking for your number is kind of strange and surely u'll be marked as a stalker on the market. haha~

believe it or not i've tried one of these method before. it's a memory that is now funny to me and i can laugh out loud to myself sometimes just thinking about it. "wow! how embarassing that was". or "silly me...". hehe~ but those are the days when we sometimes like to try things and experiments what the outcomes will be. regardless what people would say but it's a stupid thing you can sherish with your grand children one day that's for sure.

the first time i'd asked for a girls number was back in 2002 i think. i was 19 or so. i had some friends who took STPM and i occasionally went to my old school to visit them. that was the time i saw this one girl. it was almost 'a love at first sight' (konon la haha~). she was also taking STPM and before this she was from another school so i never exactly met her before. looking back, i don't really know why i liked her but at the time she was quite a catch. cut the story short, i had the chance to befriends with her. we chatted and talked on the phone until one day i just had to tell her how i really felt about her. so i did. but i said to her that i really don't want to be couples, i just don't agree with the concept but i just wanted to know her better, and see how it goes. i said to her that if during our 'friendship' or one day she doesn't have feelings for me back i'd asked her to tell about it and we can just be friends. i was serious and that's just the way i really am. i truly believe that people should be honest to each other and if things doesn't turn out so well they should confest and still be friends. because love can't be forced, you can't make other people like you, it just doesn't work that way.

a year later i found out that she actually did not have any feelings back. but the most disappointing of all is that i found out from a friend. so, i called to ask her about it but she just won't answer her phone so i text her (sms) instead. she replied saying that she was sorry and that she didn't have the heart to tell me in person. i was so disappointed, not because she didn't like me back but the fact that i'd sincerely stated that if she doesn't have feelings for me, she should just tell me straight away, and that was our 'friendship agreement'. but at the same time i also felt relieved because for one year i waited for an answer and finally at that moment Allah SWT has answered my prayers, and i was blessed.

the second time i'd ask for a girls number was back in 2007. this time i was rejected on the spot. it was like getting hit on the mouth but in a very soft way. haha~ i was almost laughing at her, and at myself really. because she had said that she did not have a handphone or a number and just a day before that i saw her using one. it was funny how she had lied. maybe she thought i was a stalker or something but the most confusing thing was, she had gave me a green light before hand during our previous meetings. so because of that believe i'd approached. but when i did i was rejected. i wasn't sure whether she had wanted me to try harder, or she was just playing hard-to-get but at that time i just didn't have the bothersome to try the second time or any time. that was the last time ever i'd ask for a girls number. lesson learned. haha~

i don't really know why i wrote this entry, but it just came out of no where. these memories is kind of silly but also fun to share with people especially with my friends or perhaps my future kids.
"kids, let me tell you the story when i'd ask for a girls number....bla..bla..bla..". almost sounds like that comedy series "how i met your mother" doesn't it? :)

okay, roger and out.